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New Words for the 90's

GOING POSTAL: Euphemism for being totally stressed out, for losing it. Makes reference to the unfortunate track record of postal employees who have snapped and gone on shooting rampages.

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BEEPILEPSY: The brief seizure people sometimes have when their beeper goes off (especially in vibrator mode). Characterized by physical spasms, goofy facial expressions and interruption of speech in mid-sentence.

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ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. "Ask Larry, he's the alpha geek around here."

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CHIPS AND SALSA: Chips = hardware, salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

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DANCING BALONEY: Little animated GIFs and other Web F/X that are useless and serve simply to impress clients. "This page is kinda dull. Maybe a little dancing baloney will help."

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DEPOTPHOBIA: Fear associated with entering a Home Depot because of how much money one might spend. Electronics geeks experience SHACKOPHOBIA.

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FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon.

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GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is. "We were so lost in generica, I actually forgot what city we were in."

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IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying, but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example..

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MIDAIR PASSENGER EXCHANGE: Grim air-traffic-controller speak for a head-on collision. Midair passenger exchanges are quickly followed by "aluminum rain."

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PEBCAK: Tech support shorthand for "Problem Exists Between Chair and Keyboard." Techies are a frustrated, often arrogant lot. They've submitted numerous acronyms and terms that poke fun at the clueless users who call them up with frighteningly stupid questions. Another variation on the above is ID10T: "This guy has an ID-Ten-T on his system."

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PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

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SQUARE-HEADED GIRLFRIEND: Another word for a computer. The victim of a square-headed girlfriend is a "computer widow."

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TELEPHONE NUMBER SALARY: A salary (or project budget) that has seven digits.

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UNINSTALLED: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the voice mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. Please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance." See also DECRUITMENT.

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VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all of the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the warm re-boot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control key, the Command key, the Return key and the Power On key.

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YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal: "We all owe $8 each, but all anybody's got is yuppie food stamps."

Sent in by A Joke A Day Member: LAFFER777@aol.com




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